Sharing custody and exercising parenting time following a split up is sometimes a frustrating process. It does not have to be that way. There are some ground rules that each parent should follow.  Most of them stem from concepts of common courtesy and all of them are located in the Parenting Guidelines.  I have tried to make the rules simpler to follow by putting together a series of short memos with helpful hints on how to conduct parenting time and exchanges.  The first part of the series focuses on communication and exchanges. 

1. Don’t cancel parenting time without a compelling reason. It is not enough that the child hesitates or refuses to go, has a minor illness, has a social engagement, is not home at the time of the exchange,   a parent is behind on child support, the weather is bad, or the clothes  for the  child are not ready or clean.   Children need consistency and stability. Cancelling parenting time send the wrong message.
2. Unless agreed upon otherwise, the parent receiving the child shall provide transportation for the child at the start of the schedule parenting time, with the other parent providing transportation for the child at the end of the schedule parenting time. A parent may not, however, enter the residence of the other, unless given permission. The child shall be exchanged at the front entrance of the residence, unless otherwise agreed upon.  The parent should not leave until it is certain the child is with the other parent and safe inside. 
3. Both parents should be present at the time of the exchange and should not delegate the exchange to another party.  If another person is taking or picking up the child, prior notice should be given.  In all cases, the person conducting the exchange in lieu of the parent should be someone the child knows and trusts.
4. When distance between the homes of the parents becomes an issue, the parents should agree on a fair half-way point. The cost of transportation should be figured, based on the distance traveled, the financial situation of the parent, the reason why distance is or has become an issue, and the family situation at the time. 
5. Where parents are hostile toward each other, the parents are required to exchange the child at a neutral site. Sometimes these exchanges are ordered by the court to be supervised. Supervision can be costly, if the court orders that a professional service be utilized. The parents will bear the cost of supervised visits, sometimes paying a fee for each exchange. This can get very costly.  This is sometimes recommended when a parent has moved on to another relationship and animosity arises. Avoiding confrontation between the new party and the Ex is recommended. It makes good sense.
6. The child should be ready for the exchange. Notice must be given as soon as possible as to any event that modifies the time of the exchange. If an exchange is missed, the parent who suffers missed parenting time may reschedule the make-up parenting time at his or her convenience.
7. The parent shall send appropriate, clean clothes with the child and the child shall be returned with clothes in the same condition. Any special activities requiring special clothing (sports, theater, religious services, a special event, etc.) must be coordinated beforehand.

Stay tuned for more helpful hints on how to make parenting time and exchanges go more smoothly. In the meantime, if you have any questions regarding your Parenting Time, you may contact me.